okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
