I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
