What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
