Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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