Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
