we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
