just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
