Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
