He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
