the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
