it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
