i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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