Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
