when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
