We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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