there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
