If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
