you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
