We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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