just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
