And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
