Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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