peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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