woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
