did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
