You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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