my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
