sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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