i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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