remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize