Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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