if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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