You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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