I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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