Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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