Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
