She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize