god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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