Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
