new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
