I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
