the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
