and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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