Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
