They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
