i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
