someone get that fucking seahorse.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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