Got a toothbrush?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
