So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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