Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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