Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
