how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
