ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
