I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
