I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
