My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
