He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize