you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
