Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
