just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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