So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
