Whod you bang
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
