i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
