Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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