I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
