The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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