when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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