just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
