is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
