Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You ruined the universe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
