I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
