just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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